Cindy’s Blog

Bobo

R.I.P. on 25th July, 2009

Time 0400-0700

I know it’s a hard to accept news to 3rd sister when her beloved dog of 3 years old left her. Bobo- a milky, white fur dog is a part of our family.

Since the mother of Bobo come to sister’s rented house in Desa Ilmu 3 years ago to give birth to Bobo and his siblings, 3rd sis has been looking after the stray mom, providing foods and prepare the place for it to give birth. Being witnessing the pregnant mother giving birth to puppies, 3rd sister has been taking care of the puppies. If i’m not mistaken, Bobo had 5 siblings, 2 males, 3 females.  For they are not able to take care of many puppies at one time, 2 had been given away to friends. Bobo at first have sisters - Guai Guai and Pong pong. However both of them left home, and Bobo is the only dog with us since then.

Bobo is a trouble maker, a dog of high dignity. It prefer rice- which me and younger sis always say it is a Chinese dog. We also feel it was too girly as it likes to eat cakes with lots of icing! It’s favourite food however is still chicken bones. However, it had a weird attitude towards motorcycles. Since we moved to our new house for 1 year ago, Bobo had been chasing after our neighbour’s motorcycle eventhough it knew that person. At first we all thought he just hate the sound of strangers’ motorcycles’ engine, but it never chase after Shao Yin’s bike…Erm, weird maybe. Also, even dad had been mad many many times with it for destroying the newly planted seeds in our house compound.However I guess dad is sad also when Bobo left.

May your soul rest in peace Bobo.. We always remember you!

I’m just a little girl lost in the moment,                                                               I’m so scared, but I don’t show it out… Lenka (The Show)

Lenka’s voice a bit similar to Olivia Ong, but she is rather more dare and yet have the sense of innocense in the voice. Maybe she might appear to be singing a children song, but for me that’s the best part. When you are growing older day by day, always think back on your childhood memories, the swings, the sands and the broken toys. Eventhough u might be labelled as a crying baby, but the reason you cry is true and sincerely. True for the statement that people getting older and smarter - in terms of faking and pretending. Even you yourself can’t escape from the changes for the life needs you to grow up. Ever think of, if human being never grew up, means all babies around, will the world fills with cheers and happy cries?

The art of pretending even appears in fairy tales such as the character of the step mother that turns to be an old witch and give a poisoned apple to Snow White. What a good act of her to pretend to be good to Snow White while her heart is full of hates and greeds. In fairy tales, the good people always have a happily ever after ending. Will it be the same for us?

Kinda boring but got a lot of stress also. Having such a bad - tempered boss (my dad) actually is kind of training for me also as i know that all the boss in the world is the same actually. Always try to persuade myself that my dad is not a mean boss, just have a perfectionist habits and that what mould me to be one also! If what I do is not good enough, I’m sure I won’t able to stay in the office, to be the one that dad entrust to do some important documents. Maybe i should be happy for dad did trust me to handle things by myself, but on the other hand, this gives me higher responsibility and thus, higher stress and in the end maybe the one to be blame. Always calm down myself by telling myself that “He just not in good mood, he didn’t mean to scold me stupid” whenever I’m about to burst out for being scolded. It’s true that maybe I’m stupid in terms of business and I have tried my best to blend in the business society and hypnotize my mind on business. Hope for good day!

Since kindergarden, mathematics has been my favourite subject all along, much more than towards BM. Maybe that’s what people always relate Chinese with math, so eventhough Im not much exposed to chinese cultures and friends, math still be one of the best performing subject. Its not too over if i say that i never get any grade lower than A for this subject.

I better behave myself and be true to myself that math is not an easy field and yet, its ur luck also in the exam.. For my unforgivable mistake in doing the paper today, i guess the luck for me to get A in this test is going to leave me since. Maybe should not blame luck as the one who sat for the paper is me, and the one who forget the Heun’s method formula is no other than me! So, luck is just an excuse..I don’t feel any better, even though i try to be a good person as i thought at first what i give and sacrifice will get a return in the end. When people come to me for help, eventhough it’s a last minute revision, i don’t mind to do so as it’s a way for keep reminding me what have i gone through on my revision for the past month..It’s not blaming the wish of the Lord for doing this to me, maybe He want to teach me a lesson, let me fall for some time to tell me that He loves me. Or actually he let me decide to do it the wrong way so the next time I will remember to be CAREFUL..Is this real or just a comfort that i tell myself so I wont wet my pillow in the middle of the nite..?

Sometimes the feeling of success is too good, but when people start to walk away from you as you are considered as “too” success, its not a good thing either.. It turns out to be a sad thing..Maybe the face problem makes them feel like a huge different from you. How come things turn out to be that way? When you are achieving the fruits from what you have sacrified, suppose those who are your friends and loved ones will feel happy for you and feel the success in them too. But now, whatever they say, it turns out to be like a teasing, accusing ‘praise’ on your success. Deep down broken in heart who will realise? They might not mean so, but you do feel so. Think too much? Hardly to diferentiate what is real and sincere wish and care..when you try to approach people, they are trying to build a wall to set the distance from you as they think you are just too so called “high class”. Shouldn’t any relationship is made on the base of sincere and love?

How to determine what and who are destined for you?

Suppose not only mariages are made in heaven, but everything is made in heaven. Not under human control, yet human are so stubborn to always try to make it against the nature or the law set by Lord. The excuse that they might use are, why should i be an obedient person? Shouldn’t my life should be under my own control and I am the one who make the next step that will lead to what i will become in the future?..Maybe they forget or look innocence in giving such points as their shield over judges. Human are certainly no one is perfect. Eventhough always some appears to be an idol, a person that everyone admired. .How to know your destiny when you are not the Creator?

Quite a while not able to update my blog, Bunga raya’s wireless got problem so cant online for more than 1 month already. Last week a very unhappy thing happen and i dont know actually i should blame who. My friend say no need to blame myself as it’s a team work and no one realised that i “accidently” ignored what the question ask me to do. What happen to me?? I also hate myself for being so ignorance, should have read and gone through the question, words by words, and not just pay attention on what the outlines for the report.

The thing is people had put their trust on me, and believe i can do the best and yes, i do believe i can do it as long i put effort and confidence in it. Who knows that i made the terrible careless mistakes that i always hate to do so. Since primary school, my teacher always remind me for my careless mistakes which i also cannot understand why i would have done such a silly mistake and lost the marks. Even in UPSR, mathematics paper especially, the question was so damn easy and its not a problem for me at all, but it ended up as a wrong answer for i saw the numbers wrongly or even calculated it wrongly. Everything goes wrong and it’s very annoying for being such a careless person. I just couldn’t stand myself being one.

Eventhough people always say tha i have done a good job, but for me it is not a good job if there is even a minor mistake in typing, spelling and everything. I alwaysa try to be a perfectionist. Maybe that’s the best way to cure my carelessness. So, friends, don’t blame me if i’m putting much complaints on the mistakes that any other people made in their paper works or presentations, cause i just can’t afford to keep one eye close on some mistake that are not forgivable..

When it comes to opportunity or benefits, selfishness start to make people doubt whether it is right to tell or not. Could it be the latter?

Normally, persuading oneself might confort oneself..No, i dun like any other people who just think of their own, be faithful to yourself one and only. Everyone is the same so no need feel guilty for that.. True?

Getting rid of your own voice in the heart might not an easy task as no one else’s voice seems can be trusted. Only believe in oneself, n not any other human being, make one feel safe and victory in hand? Sometimes the answer is yes, but yet the world wont exist with you alone. Even the victory is yours, what is the meaning for having joy alone?

Trouble will comes when you are on top. Shall it be the trouble to help people or hthe trouble to trouble people. Selfishness again takes place to influence people to make a uncertain move, might lead to any higher chance of dungeon. Dun believe it, dun take things granted, all seems to be a coincidence or its already a destined to be so. All the uncertainties ring in the mind, wanna keep me awake from the coming disaster. Could it blown the whole town like Katarina or swept the whole shore like Tsunami? God knows, but i dont.

Sometimes, things not going too well, you think its ok. But when it really comes to the end, ntg is ok, n you will start to blame yourself for nt to think what will happen in the middle,.Things just wont go on so easily. Perhaps its too late to think after the incident..but just feel not fair. Maybe all these is just to make me feel better. Make me feel im not the one to be blame for failure. But how come i didnt feel better eventhough i say what to do, its Not fair?

Appear to be strong or really a strong person, its neither can be control. The world might see you as a hard to get along person, or a joker in the class, but its totally not what you try to appear to be. What to do?

She asked me, why writing a blog when no one is looking at it?

For me, blog is where i release whatever i have in mind, what i want to express and foremost to release tension and stress that i am facing. Who bother if there is a viewer or not, whether there is someone going to comment on my blog or not..What the purpose of you writing a blog then? To see whether people agree on what you are writing? Or want people to acknowledge what you write is correct or not? Too childish..

Too reLax sometimes make me shiver..Life start to be more and more invinsible and no meaning at all. When u start to know that whatever you are trying to do is not in God’s Eye, it is useless ( I hope i know that ). However, people always try to blame others for something happening. Especially blaming God. Not blaming myself not performing too well, or too relax, expecting things to happen by itself, no need to work hard (except for genius of course) and etc. How come overconfidence turn out to be something bad for performance? Thought that by building up confidence, hypnotize myself on my own ability, can cheat all people around, including own self..But without the little confidence, friend, you will end up worse than people with overconfidence. Get up and take your books, start study, time waits for no people (not man only)..Solid test GAMBATE!!