Cindy’s Blog

She asked me, why writing a blog when no one is looking at it?

For me, blog is where i release whatever i have in mind, what i want to express and foremost to release tension and stress that i am facing. Who bother if there is a viewer or not, whether there is someone going to comment on my blog or not..What the purpose of you writing a blog then? To see whether people agree on what you are writing? Or want people to acknowledge what you write is correct or not? Too childish..

Too reLax sometimes make me shiver..Life start to be more and more invinsible and no meaning at all. When u start to know that whatever you are trying to do is not in God’s Eye, it is useless ( I hope i know that ). However, people always try to blame others for something happening. Especially blaming God. Not blaming myself not performing too well, or too relax, expecting things to happen by itself, no need to work hard (except for genius of course) and etc. How come overconfidence turn out to be something bad for performance? Thought that by building up confidence, hypnotize myself on my own ability, can cheat all people around, including own self..But without the little confidence, friend, you will end up worse than people with overconfidence. Get up and take your books, start study, time waits for no people (not man only)..Solid test GAMBATE!!

tomorrow there  will be test..same thing goes for the day after tomorrow..If wan to calculate or keep reminding myself how many tests to go, on day i will find myself broke down and stop to study for tests. How come this time the test appear to be a too much heavy burden for me, come on..it’s just a small test, yet i have start to trigger so much, even tension, sweating, panic all comes in one go. Wake up! All these while try to wake a gal up, seems im too much expert to handle this stress, but in this moment really don’t know how to be practically do whatever i know in handling sress..

Maybe because of having a roomate starting this semester deduct much confortness and mood to study? Or actually in heart think of many other things and worry about the place to stay in the next semester? Or all these are just my excuse to answer all the whys?..do i need a shepard? A guide frm Lord? Why You doesn’t seems to appear to me, feel im lost,,or You didn’t hear what i say? Aren’t You know everything happen to Your children? Am I Your Children? Headache..

where am I?

with confidence and full of energy? No, why i still cant find the heart. where is the heart? em, lost or still stuck, cant come out? weird..the feeling seems very weird. Dont want to think things that are suppose not to be important for me..But why it keep comes out and mess my mind. Sigh..

Have to and must find out the old me..who might appear as a serious and cool person, not friendly at all. whatever, suddenly hate myself that i need to sacrifice something in order to gain other things..Maybe it’s just the natural things, nothing is free in this world, u have to sacrifice before you can taste the sweet of the fruit. I always remind myself on this principle, just sometimes, feel not fair..Why God give different life to different people? In the end, i forgot to tell myself that im one of the lucky person already and maybe just not as lucky as some people..

all the odds come along and what you will have in your mind? Oh no, a bad start and surely will be bad luck for the whole day?

Ya, sometimes it really seems to be the worse day ever, not only a bad day. Jojo from Mix fm share this and i thinks it’s real and i’m sure everyone do experience it before, just the difference in frequency. The mind might control the whole day mood, and you might feel terrible and yucks..and it might seems is there anything worse than this? Ya, that’s the answer or the best working solution to wipe over the black cloud in your head! I did it, em, of course in this world, so big and certainly huge in the Creation of God, i might not know what is happening in the other side of the world every minutes, every second. Eventhough the sophisticated tech did give us a lot of ways and tunnel to get to each other and knowing everything. But did human really think they can know everything happening? No, only God knows and did have everything in mind, 1 go. What’s important is, really, there ARE surely a lots more things that is worsen that what you have gone through. U might look the problem now as BIG, yet u should give more and more chance for you to look into the situation that any other people is facing. Soon, you will find, you are quite more than a lucky guy..Positive thinking of self persuading sometimes work, just don’t hypnotise youself on something that is not working after you had practice it for more than enough. Really, realistic might actually what you should face, not story in the fairy tales.