Cindy’s Blog

Since kindergarden, mathematics has been my favourite subject all along, much more than towards BM. Maybe that’s what people always relate Chinese with math, so eventhough Im not much exposed to chinese cultures and friends, math still be one of the best performing subject. Its not too over if i say that i never get any grade lower than A for this subject.

I better behave myself and be true to myself that math is not an easy field and yet, its ur luck also in the exam.. For my unforgivable mistake in doing the paper today, i guess the luck for me to get A in this test is going to leave me since. Maybe should not blame luck as the one who sat for the paper is me, and the one who forget the Heun’s method formula is no other than me! So, luck is just an excuse..I don’t feel any better, even though i try to be a good person as i thought at first what i give and sacrifice will get a return in the end. When people come to me for help, eventhough it’s a last minute revision, i don’t mind to do so as it’s a way for keep reminding me what have i gone through on my revision for the past month..It’s not blaming the wish of the Lord for doing this to me, maybe He want to teach me a lesson, let me fall for some time to tell me that He loves me. Or actually he let me decide to do it the wrong way so the next time I will remember to be CAREFUL..Is this real or just a comfort that i tell myself so I wont wet my pillow in the middle of the nite..?

Sometimes the feeling of success is too good, but when people start to walk away from you as you are considered as “too” success, its not a good thing either.. It turns out to be a sad thing..Maybe the face problem makes them feel like a huge different from you. How come things turn out to be that way? When you are achieving the fruits from what you have sacrified, suppose those who are your friends and loved ones will feel happy for you and feel the success in them too. But now, whatever they say, it turns out to be like a teasing, accusing ‘praise’ on your success. Deep down broken in heart who will realise? They might not mean so, but you do feel so. Think too much? Hardly to diferentiate what is real and sincere wish and care..when you try to approach people, they are trying to build a wall to set the distance from you as they think you are just too so called “high class”. Shouldn’t any relationship is made on the base of sincere and love?

How to determine what and who are destined for you?

Suppose not only mariages are made in heaven, but everything is made in heaven. Not under human control, yet human are so stubborn to always try to make it against the nature or the law set by Lord. The excuse that they might use are, why should i be an obedient person? Shouldn’t my life should be under my own control and I am the one who make the next step that will lead to what i will become in the future?..Maybe they forget or look innocence in giving such points as their shield over judges. Human are certainly no one is perfect. Eventhough always some appears to be an idol, a person that everyone admired. .How to know your destiny when you are not the Creator?

Quite a while not able to update my blog, Bunga raya’s wireless got problem so cant online for more than 1 month already. Last week a very unhappy thing happen and i dont know actually i should blame who. My friend say no need to blame myself as it’s a team work and no one realised that i “accidently” ignored what the question ask me to do. What happen to me?? I also hate myself for being so ignorance, should have read and gone through the question, words by words, and not just pay attention on what the outlines for the report.

The thing is people had put their trust on me, and believe i can do the best and yes, i do believe i can do it as long i put effort and confidence in it. Who knows that i made the terrible careless mistakes that i always hate to do so. Since primary school, my teacher always remind me for my careless mistakes which i also cannot understand why i would have done such a silly mistake and lost the marks. Even in UPSR, mathematics paper especially, the question was so damn easy and its not a problem for me at all, but it ended up as a wrong answer for i saw the numbers wrongly or even calculated it wrongly. Everything goes wrong and it’s very annoying for being such a careless person. I just couldn’t stand myself being one.

Eventhough people always say tha i have done a good job, but for me it is not a good job if there is even a minor mistake in typing, spelling and everything. I alwaysa try to be a perfectionist. Maybe that’s the best way to cure my carelessness. So, friends, don’t blame me if i’m putting much complaints on the mistakes that any other people made in their paper works or presentations, cause i just can’t afford to keep one eye close on some mistake that are not forgivable..

When it comes to opportunity or benefits, selfishness start to make people doubt whether it is right to tell or not. Could it be the latter?

Normally, persuading oneself might confort oneself..No, i dun like any other people who just think of their own, be faithful to yourself one and only. Everyone is the same so no need feel guilty for that.. True?

Getting rid of your own voice in the heart might not an easy task as no one else’s voice seems can be trusted. Only believe in oneself, n not any other human being, make one feel safe and victory in hand? Sometimes the answer is yes, but yet the world wont exist with you alone. Even the victory is yours, what is the meaning for having joy alone?

Trouble will comes when you are on top. Shall it be the trouble to help people or hthe trouble to trouble people. Selfishness again takes place to influence people to make a uncertain move, might lead to any higher chance of dungeon. Dun believe it, dun take things granted, all seems to be a coincidence or its already a destined to be so. All the uncertainties ring in the mind, wanna keep me awake from the coming disaster. Could it blown the whole town like Katarina or swept the whole shore like Tsunami? God knows, but i dont.